The Stages of Tinnitus
I remember when my tinnitus first started: It was there and it was anoying….but I don´t remember it influencing most of my actions and thoughts. Forgetting that there was a ear ringing during the day was the best part about it. Mostly I noticed it after going out and at night, noticed it….that still means that it did not bother me too much.
Then it got a little louder, I started to notice the peeing more and more. Well, let´s say compared to today it was still nothing, I noticed it more and more at bedtime or when I wanted to read or when I woke up. In stressful situations, when I waasn´t feeling well emotionally or when a problem presented itself I thougt that it got louder, but I could be that I only noticed it more. One of the two, but usually it lasted only for a short momentt when the situation was new, after a short while it went back to normal. Of course it anoyed me, I wished it weren´t there but I didn´t do too much about it, because it was an anoyance you could handle.
Then….it got louder again and again…..and again. My T now is at a point, at which it can´t be ignored. Never. It is so loud that I can´t understand people when they are talking quietly or when there are too many other noises surrounding me and the person I am talking too. It gets worse when I am with a group and they are all talking to each other….basically I have no chance of understaning what is going on. That is super frustrating. I hear the ringing all the time – at this one volume: loud. Watching TV like a grandma is just one of the perks, not understanding people on the phone another….but there are countless other limitations. I feel like the T has taken over my life and is controling every action, every move I make….I don´t want to do many things anymore and a lot of times I just want to stay home in bed distracting me from that unbearable peeping.
Sometimes I think that I might be at stage 4 already. But I still do have hope…..well, not all the time but mostly I do have hope or lets say I have the willigness to try to live my life as normal as possible. I guess that 4 means you just feel completly hopeless and have lost all motivation. I´m trying really hard to not get there, sometimes I am very depressed….those are phases. I haven´t had a panic attac. Yet?! And I try to live fairly normal. What does normal mean? I guess I still go to work and I meet up with friends. Not as much as I used to because leaving the house isn´t my favorite activity anymore…but I still get myself to do it. So I haven´t given up on life yet and that is the most important part AND that means that I am not at stage 4 yet!